1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
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