OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
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And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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