While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
babies were throwing up all over the place
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Randomize
