Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Randomize
