Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
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