you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
