i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
i used baking grease as lip gloss
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
