i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
