I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Randomize
