Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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