it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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