He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
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