I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
