He uses pillows to masturbate.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
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