I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
