it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Randomize
