After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
