I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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