I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
it's like iHOP with fire
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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