Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize
