i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
