I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Randomize
