Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
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