I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Randomize
