That arnold schwarzeneger picture looks strikingly similar to paul
Not half as good looking as paul
I'd say paul has bigger bicep peaks, but who am I to judge
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
