I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
