So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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