That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize
