I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
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