@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize