oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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