i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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