I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
