I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
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