barbara walters just said penis...
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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