Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
honey bunches of taint.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
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