it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize