the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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