I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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