i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
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