Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
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You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
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