Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
