i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
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just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
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