her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
