I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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