I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
