i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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