he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
