..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
