Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
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