thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Randomize
