You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
