some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
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