R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Randomize
