Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
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