If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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