I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
