I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Randomize
