My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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