So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Randomize
