i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
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