shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Two words: nipple clamps
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