i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Randomize
