i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
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