it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
only you would photoshop your dick
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
