My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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