Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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