Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I can't trust your balls anymore.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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