New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
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