I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
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