he looks like a really good dad on facebook
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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