Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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