You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
