The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Randomize
