Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
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