i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Someone shattered a urinal.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Randomize
