And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Randomize
