So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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