In America we eat man semen.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
